I view my life as a book. Certain seasons become the chapters in the story of my life. My childhood is one, my teenage years are a painful chapter, my marriage could be a book in and of itself. My children each have their own continuing stories. But, I honestly have to say that so far, my book contains lots of pain, lots of struggle, and probably is overall a sad story.
I’ve struggled for lots of reasons. Things that just happened to me for no obvious reason, direct consequences of sin, or it’s the journey to defeat many strongholds in my life. Specifically, strongholds of depression and fear. Those strongholds ran my life. I lived through them. So to defeat them, I have to change my entire life – decide to have a different life that doesn’t exist with them. It’s a struggle to change every aspect of yourself. It takes persistent determination and sometimes I battle not just every day, but every moment of every day. It’s so hard! Without God, it’s also impossible. But, let me express to you how joyful I am to finally be able to say that I feel I’ve started a new chapter in my life. I’m going to call it “The Healing Chapter.” I’ve witnessed more healing in the last 3 months than I ever thought I’d see in 3 years. In myself, my husband, our family as a whole.
There have been moments in my life where something miraculous happens and I think, “How could anyone ever doubt that God exists?” This is one of those times. I will never be able to doubt whether God is in my life. Whether His hand is directly involved in it.
As I look back and “reread” those chapters of my journey, I also see His hand. How God can take something that we see as negative and turn it into the most beautiful blessing. God is in the business of surprises and I think He loves seeing those “light bulb moments” that occur in us when we finally see God’s hand had been there all along. I see how God used my depression, how He used my childhood experiences, and how He’s used the struggles of my marriage, all to mold me into the woman I am today. The woman He wants me to be. Do I believe He CAUSED some of the things that happened to me? No. But, I believe He ALLOWS certain things to happen so He can do one of His miracles in my life. To show me He’s still here.
I feel stronger now. I feel more peaceful now. I am a better wife, mother and person now than I was a year ago. All because of the struggle. But, really it’s because of the victory over the struggle that God has given me. And will give you, too.
So my sad story is no longer a sad one. It’s an inspirational one. Well, at least to me.
Am I done with struggle? No. Will I have many more battles? Yes. But, I now KNOW that He will be with me through them all. You know why I know? Because He’s been there for all the previous chapters of my book. And He’ll use every struggle from this point on to make things better for me. To make me better. To make my life better. And I’m ok with that.
God, thank You for the many ways You have proven Your faithfulness to me. How you’ve lead me through the valleys and over the mountain tops, never leaving my side. How You’ve been there to catch me, lift me, and pull me in all the ways I should go. I’m sorry for the times I’ve fought you, thrown fits, and yelled at You. Your patience with me is astounding. Thank You for fulfilling Your promises in my life and for loving me, despite how much I don’t deserve it. You truly are a great God.
Scriptures I need to read today:
Deuteronomy 7:9 “So know that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God. He will keep His agreement of love for a thousand lifetimes for people who love Him and obey His commands.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.”
Note: This is my mom’s favorite verse. It truly has been a very useful one in my life.
Romans 8:39 “Neither height nor depth or anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, our Lord.”
Note: No matter what we’ve done, or what ever happens to us, we can’t get away from His love. Isn’t that incredible?!