Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation...
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak...
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.
I remember a time in our marriage that I thought if there were professional marriage fighters, we could probably turn pro. We fought a lot. We had no idea how to fight fair. We did the win / lose thing. We fought about the same things over and over and had no clue how to come to a resolution. Something had to change and we both knew it. We were growing weary and tired. We were hanging on, but for how long?
There were a couple of turning points for us. The first was a wise lady that became a mentor for Nancy. She basically said that we had to quit fighting each other and fight for our marriage, and that God did not want us to get a divorce. God used her to put us on a different path. The second point was that we began to listen to each other. Not the way I had been listening but the way God wanted me to listen to Nancy. I needed to hear what she was really saying and then respond in a way that let Nancy know I heard her. Once I began listening to her, guess what? She began listening to me! That was a huge revelation for me that God used to help mold me into the husband He wanted me to be for Nancy.
God did another very significant thing for us. If you know our story, you know that we have prayed together every day beginning with our wedding night. You may be wondering, “how could they have fought so much when they were praying together?” This is my take on that. Our prayers did make a difference. They changed so much even in those fighting years. What I think God taught us was how to turn our prayer time into a lifestyle of marriage. We had to learn to let Him into every second of our day, not just five or ten minutes at night. Our faithfulness to pray every night laid a foundation that we eventually let God build a marriage on.
1. What happens in a marriage if one spouse is the winner and the other spouse the loser?
2. What are the three things you most often fight about in your marriage?
3. What is your part in resolving those three issues?
Dr. Kim describes the divorce of the “boxer couple” as a death. Why does he use that term? Do you agree or disagree?